Musings at 2 A.M.

I thought I had the most painful experience when my 10-year love-hate relationship ended the moment my one great love chose to be with someone else.

Until this happened.

Here I am wide awake
Sitting at the edge of a tattered couch in a darkened hospital room
Watching over my mother spare some precious minutes of slumber.

Flashback.

I was the one on the hospital bed, crying in pain because of an inflammed gallbladder.  She was beside me all worried but trying to appear still... and strong... and calm.  I know deep inside she wished the pain would have just been hers to bear.

Now, she's the one lying in bed
Wincing in pain every time the chest tube moved with her.
Awaiting results from a multitude of tests and medications to deal with at any given time.  The fortress of hope giving way a little.

I am the one now trying to gather up the strength as a stronghold for her... and for the rest of our family.

Did she ever cry when my father or one of my sisters or I got sick, I thought to myself...

Because right now, watching her sleep lightly from this dark corner of the room, I am.

Silver Linings

Somewhere between brokenness
and falling in love again
I find myself staring
at your picture over and over.

There is something
behind those illustrious eyes
and beyond that mysterious smile
that keeps me wide awake at night.

Perhaps it's just an overcast
of what I have left behind
or simply a longingness
to get hold of something that lasts.

I may not know the exact reason why
but this is not upon mere chance
Your name's been written long before
to journey and create history with me.